I grieve for this family, but their story has given me another reminder to thank God. http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/challenges/hardship-and-suffering/and-then-everything-changed It's interesting b/c God has been reminding me to "Give thanks in all things", even discouragement and feeling short on perseverance. I so want to be healthy and living life fully again, but I wonder if living life fully has nothing to do with physical capacity and more to do with the heart. I can see this with my mind, but I think my heart has a long way to catch up. I don't feel it. (Ann Voscamp's article on March 3, A Holy Experience, really hit home with regards to giving thanks. http://www.aholyexperience.com/2014/03/the-real-root-of-brokenness-that-we-forget-to-talk-about-or-when-you-want-to-turn-your-life-around ) The last 13 weeks have felt REALLY long, probably mostly because they fall so short of my expectations. [Side note - The cardiomyopathy continues to yield weird, scary symptoms. I'm living in the moment reminding myself that God is holding my health in His hands. He knows my body and what it needs; He will reveal what's going on in His perfect timing. I guess I'm just realizing that I have a long way to go.] However, I have so much to be thankful for...a healthy baby who I can nurse and brings all of us such joy, FAMILY, friends whose actions remind me again and again that they have my back, a husband who has really had a servant's heart for months now, kids who are older and can be helpful and are really such good "Big Sister/Brothers"...and laughter with them...the list could go on and on. God is good, faithful, and He meets us where we're at, regardless of how I feel. TRUTH.

Appointments in Boston

Today, Bob, Elyana, and I went to Boston for an appointment with the cardio-oncologist. I really liked him and felt very encouraged by our meeting. He was a good listener and seemed to "get" me and my normal lifestyle. He was very supportive of what the local oncologist is doing (which is always encouraging) and was very informative about what seems to be going on and how to respond to it. The bottom line is that I seem to be making progress based on my symptoms improving. (Blood pressure isn't spiking nor dropping. I have a long way to go, but I have more energy than I did and get less winded when moving around.) He helped me understand how to assess whether I'm making progress (which isn't solely based on the numbers we'll get when I have the heart ultrasound in July) and gave me good guidance for resuming a little bit of activity. He can't be sure if the cardiomyopathy is due to the chemotherapy because we don't have a baseline heart ultrasound in the last year, but if I show improvement in July, he is optimistic that I will continue to improve and bounce back to normal. He couldn't give me a timeline of when I'll be off the meds because they won't just have me go off them; it will be a process. All in all...a good meeting. It was also great to be told that I can call or e-mail him any time with questions! I also had a good appointment with Dr. Choy...more on that in a week when all is "official". How's that for a teaser?!

Cardiologist Appointment

I saw the cardiologist yesterday, and it was a very encouraging appt. I've had a lot of question marks with regards to what I can't do, what would happen if I overdid it, whether it's safe for me to be alone, what various physical symptoms mean. Although I don't now have all the answers, I do know a few things...1. The dr. liked what he heard when he listened to my heart and lungs. He thinks I'm making progress, that the medications are doing what they should. 2. The dr. increased my medication, which is a good thing. I'm now at a clinical level/dose, as the dr. thinks my body can handle it, which also means that the medicine should be working most effectively. 3. I am fine by myself and really just need to watch for light-headedness which would mean too much diuretic and that it's time to sit down, eat some Doritos (salty), and call the dr. 4. The dr. is "cautiously optimistic" that this will not be a permanent diagnosis, that my body will heal. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, God is still in control, holding my heart in the palm of His hand. This truly has been my comfort each night as I fall asleep, even when I had more questions than answers.

The Latest Updates

So much has been going on, and I now have a few minutes before Elyana's next feeding, taking my meds, and going to bed. Here are the latest updates... My latest diagnosis On Friday, we went to the ER because I was feeling breathless and just not right. I thought I needed more blood or had a pulmonary embulism; however, the problem was actually that my heart was enlarged and functioning at 1/3 capacity, allowing fluid to collect in my lungs among other places. This came as a big shock to me and Bob, but we were also grateful that we didn't ignore the symptoms. The diagnosis is postpartum cardiomyopathy, which means weakening of the heart post-partum. They don't know what causes this, but for many women who have it, the heart strengthens with a few months of medicinal intervention and rest. I am praying that I am 1 of those women and that this isn't a result of the chemotherapy I received 5 years ago. The medications I'm taking make it easier for my heart to do its job, and hopefully God will fully heal it. In the meantime, I'm supposed to be mellow, restful, and not allow myself to feel winded. This is a big adjustment for me (and our family). Oh, and I found out last weekend that my blood count is almost back up to normal...good news that came after a very discouraging day. Praise We came home from the hospital yesterday, and YES! I was able to go to Anderson's baptism. What a HUGE blessing! Thank You, God! It was a very special time shared with my parents, sibs who are in-state, and friends. We're very proud of this step of obedience that he took. I made it through the service but was definitely very ready for bed, feeling weak/fatigued. Today - I felt quite "normal" when I woke up this morning...amazing what a good night's sleep in bed with my hubby does for me! (and that's in spite of Elyana's night feedings!) It was wonderful to fall asleep in Bob's arms, something that can too easily be taken for granted. The morning was very tiring as we spent it going to the pediatrician's. (see below) But, I did it without heart flutters/breathlessness, and I took a good long nap this afternoon. By tonight, I'm definitely feeling quite weak, but I'm encouraged at the stronger start to the day. That is progress. I'm also so thankful that Mom is here helping us. It's ridiculous (and surprising to me) how little energy I have BUT I am so thankful that God is giving my body energy to make milk for Elyana. I have plenty. Doctor's visit for the kids - Elyana was checked today regarding whether my medications seem to be affecting her. So far, so good. She has gained weight and although they couldn't take her blood pressure (too little to get a good read), symptomatically, she seems to be unaffected. Please pray that my milk will continue to be good for her little body. Ethan was also checked today as he is working on week 4 of a cold that won't quit and it has settled in his lungs. He's now on antibiotics for 5 days and nebulizer treatments. When Ethan prayed at bedtime, he thanked God for the bubble-gum-flavored medicine, so obviously, it isn't bothering him. 8) The next few days will be spent resting between going out to get bloodwork done, having Elyana's weight checked, and a cardiologist visit. I am looking forward to being home tomorrow.

Chapter 2: Another Baby Adventure

  It all started last August when Sarah and Lyndsey's prayers were answered with the news that Sarah was pregnant.  Although the majority of the pregnancy was uneventful, the ending was intense.
  Two weeks ago, during a routine OB visit, Sarah's blood pressure was unusually high (144/100).  The kids were sick, and she was tired from interrupted sleep and perhaps might have been fighting it off.  There wasn't protein in her urine.  The next regularly scheduled visit showed her pressure was reasonable; however, there was a trace of protein in her urine (another symptom of preeclampsia).  A few days later, her blood pressure had risen again, and Sarah was not feeling right.
  Sarah's doctors admitted her to Wentworth Douglas Hospital in Dover on Thursday to determine if she indeed had preeclampsia or if it was something else causing the high blood pressure.  Before coming to a full diagnosis, it was determined that it was time to get the baby out.  Since Dover will not induce a mother that previously had a c-section, they wanted to transfer her to Dartmouth Hitchcock in Hanover, NH.
  After a two-hour ambulance ride, Sarah was admitted to Dartmouth.  We originally thought that they would start inducing on Friday morning, but the doctors at Dartmouth had the staffing and thought the sooner the better.  So, Bob drove up Thursday night with Sarah's mom.  They arrived at 1:30am.

  Then the "fun" began.

• 2:15am - The doctors broke Sarah's water.
• 2:30am - 3cm dilated. Steady laboring started (steady contractions)
• 5:30am - Sarah went to labor in Jacuzzi tub.  (Bob feel asleep on stool beside tub)
• 6:30am - Sarah had now been up for 24hrs (was very hungry, weak, and tired, emotionally and physically)
• 8:10am - 8cm
• 8:55am - "I want to push"
• 9:10am - Elyana Jean Levasseur is born!

         7lbs 5oz and 20 inches (3-inch feet, long fingers and toes (nails too))

  Then the reason there was no updates...

• 11:00am - Sarah is still bleeding from birth.  She decides to get up and try to sit on toilet.
• 12:35pm - Sarah passes out on toilet.  Nurses get her back into the bed.
• 12:40pm - Doctors reach in and pull out large clots.
• 1:40pm - Bleeding still not stopping, so they wheel Sarah into OR for spinal and more "manual" blood clot evacuation.
• 2:30pm - Kids came to visit.  (Sarah stays in bed due to spinal.)
• 3:00pm - Sarah's is checked by nurse and clots still coming out.
• 4:00pm - Kids and Sarah's mom leave with Dawn (some-what hurriedly as Sarah was fading)
• 4:01pm -
• Six doctors and nurses hovered over Sarah's bed as she is shivering uncontrollably.  
• Blood pressure drops to 72/49.
• Sarah goes on oxygen and fights to not pass out again.
• Sarah has another "manual" cleaning out.
• Sarah starts blood transfusions...2 pints.
• Doctors start talking about how to get the lower uterus to contract so that the bleeding will stop as well as potential causes.
• 5:30pm - Sarah's mom didn't leave and is now in room as doctors discuss next steps if the bleeding doesn't stop (possible hysterectomy - removal of uterus).
• 5:35pm - Final ultrasound reveals little cavity where c-section incision was made, might be the location of the bleeding.  Doctors discuss next step procedures with Sarah.
• 7:30pm - No sign of bleeding.
• 12:30am - Sarah is cleared to eat (toast and juice).  It has been 14 hours since she has been allowed to eat or drink.

  What a day!  We are really sorry about the lack of communication, but think you can understand why.  It wasn't that we didn't want to share what was going on, but rather the status kept changing.  We reported many times that mother and baby were doing great, then 30 minutes later Momma wasn't doing so well.  Elyana thus far has been unfazed by all the hubbub going on around her.
  I am happy to report that Sarah is doing well today.  She has been out of bed a bit and moving around on her own.  Next ... taking a much deserved and needed shower (been a few days).