Anderson got me Zumba DVD's for Christmas. (For those of you who aren't familiar with it, it's a dance/exercise that utilizes Latino rhythms and moves - FUN!!) I am amazed how much I sweat in just 18 minutes, and that's just the part to learn the steps! Anderson was pretty cute because he told me that I was doing a pretty good job for being new at it. 8) It certainly will be good for my coordination and hip muscles, although I'm sure it isn't too pretty! I'm not sure I want Lyndsey learning these moves as I'm not sure she'll know when it's appropriate to shake her hips!
Speaking of Lyndsey, Bob told me that when he asked her what Christmas gift she wanted to get me, she knew right away. She had seen my friend Maresy with some glove mittens (fingerless gloves with the mitten flap that goes over). She said that Mumma needed a purple pair of those. How thoughtful! (I also think it's cute that she looked to Maresy for style as Maresy definitely has fresh style.)
Ethan was VERY excited about the boots we got him for Christmas. Isn't it great when a child is SO excited about something that they also need! Those boots were right up there with the little cars that Anderson and Lyndsey got him. 8)
I think Bob's most thoughtful gift for me was...I don't know! He's very good at getting thoughtful gifts, and this year he was also really good about not letting the calendar get ahead of him. That certainly makes a girl feel treasured (although I know that I have to be careful about projecting my "things that I do or don't do to show love" onto Bob...we're all different). The best gift was that he put a lot of thought into it; that's what means the MOST to me.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
Christmas Thoughts
As I sat down to write this year’s Christmas letter, I felt very torn about what to say. It has been a great year for us, but this year more than any other, I am aware of so many loved ones with heartaches who are struggling to see Christmas as “merry”. In thinking about this, I have found myself thinking more about the various aspects of Christmas. Joy is certainly one of them, but so is peace. Last Sunday's sermon was on peace (http://www.graceplace.com/resources), and it was very timely for me. I have been struggling with a lot of stressors over the last few months, and lately, it has been getting the better of me. Last Sunday, I was noticing how much turmoil I was feeling and wondering what exactly my problem was. Then my eyes were opened. Can I share with you my thought process?
Before, I would have described true peace as a sense of well-being not necessarily related to life’s circumstances. Many people say that it comes from within oneself. I have learned that for the Piro tribal people of Peru, the word translated “peace” means a “the well-arranged soul” which stuck in my memory as "a well-ordered soul”. That really struck me as I realized that I had lost the order in my soul! What does that mean? Who determines “order“? Well, Isaiah 9:6-7 says that Jesus is the Prince of Peace and foretells His coming to save the world. We all know that when Jesus lived 2000 years ago, He didn’t bring world peace as many had believed and hoped. Even now, the world and our lives are far from peaceful. So how could He be the Prince of Peace? Jesus restored order when He provided for us the ability to have a relationship with God by removing the sin that separates us from God. But for me, Jesus also restores order to my soul by giving me purpose and value in spite of my flaws, errors, stupidity, and by providing direction for my priorities. I think that I had lost a sense of peace because I had become too caught up in my life’s stresses, as well as the excitement of planning for Christmas. It’s time to regroup (and I'm still working on this). So since I need this reminder about peace, I thought that I would wish you the same, peace that reflects a well-ordered soul.
Merry and Peace-filled Christmas!
Before, I would have described true peace as a sense of well-being not necessarily related to life’s circumstances. Many people say that it comes from within oneself. I have learned that for the Piro tribal people of Peru, the word translated “peace” means a “the well-arranged soul” which stuck in my memory as "a well-ordered soul”. That really struck me as I realized that I had lost the order in my soul! What does that mean? Who determines “order“? Well, Isaiah 9:6-7 says that Jesus is the Prince of Peace and foretells His coming to save the world. We all know that when Jesus lived 2000 years ago, He didn’t bring world peace as many had believed and hoped. Even now, the world and our lives are far from peaceful. So how could He be the Prince of Peace? Jesus restored order when He provided for us the ability to have a relationship with God by removing the sin that separates us from God. But for me, Jesus also restores order to my soul by giving me purpose and value in spite of my flaws, errors, stupidity, and by providing direction for my priorities. I think that I had lost a sense of peace because I had become too caught up in my life’s stresses, as well as the excitement of planning for Christmas. It’s time to regroup (and I'm still working on this). So since I need this reminder about peace, I thought that I would wish you the same, peace that reflects a well-ordered soul.
Merry and Peace-filled Christmas!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
The Little Things
Amazingly, I have had a bit of time for pondering (2 visits to the gym, drive to Boston) although very little time for writing. I want to just take a minute to share how God has shown Himself in the little things. He's so amazing like that, and these can be such a big blessing if I take time to "be still".
Although my health is good, a lot has been going on emotionally and relationally this fall. I'm so thankful that I can exercise to help me process it and keep myself more balanced physically. A year ago, I couldn't do that at all. God also has been giving me little threads to hold onto in the midst of all of this...a Thanksgiving card from a friend, an e-mail from a different friend, meaningful affirmations/watchful concerns of others - all testifying to the friendships and love that God has blessed me with. All of these have been giving me bits of encouragement that He is in the details of friendships and using friends to encourage one another in His timing. Basically, these threads have helped keep me floating in this sea of controversy, heartache, and self-doubts.
On a completely different level, we have a potluck tonight. The back story is that I stock up on hamburger with my family. I didn't realize that I had used the last package until this morning when I went to get it out for tonight's meal. There wasn't one! I was like, "Oh no! Now what am I going to do?" I searched around...nothing. I started to brainstorm how I could improvise or what I could make instead because a trip to the grocery store was just not reasonable. Then, God helped me remember that we had cooked up 1 package with onions a few weeks ago and put it in the upstairs freezer. So, not only do I have hamburg, but it's already prepared for the casserole! Pretty cool.
I guess that I want to encourage you to be still for a few moments and look for God in the little things. I know that I've wanted "big" God sightings (particularly when the struggles of my day seem big and I want Him to fix it), but when my heart is right, even the little ones are big. I just have to open my eyes and slow down for a minute.
Although my health is good, a lot has been going on emotionally and relationally this fall. I'm so thankful that I can exercise to help me process it and keep myself more balanced physically. A year ago, I couldn't do that at all. God also has been giving me little threads to hold onto in the midst of all of this...a Thanksgiving card from a friend, an e-mail from a different friend, meaningful affirmations/watchful concerns of others - all testifying to the friendships and love that God has blessed me with. All of these have been giving me bits of encouragement that He is in the details of friendships and using friends to encourage one another in His timing. Basically, these threads have helped keep me floating in this sea of controversy, heartache, and self-doubts.
On a completely different level, we have a potluck tonight. The back story is that I stock up on hamburger with my family. I didn't realize that I had used the last package until this morning when I went to get it out for tonight's meal. There wasn't one! I was like, "Oh no! Now what am I going to do?" I searched around...nothing. I started to brainstorm how I could improvise or what I could make instead because a trip to the grocery store was just not reasonable. Then, God helped me remember that we had cooked up 1 package with onions a few weeks ago and put it in the upstairs freezer. So, not only do I have hamburg, but it's already prepared for the casserole! Pretty cool.
I guess that I want to encourage you to be still for a few moments and look for God in the little things. I know that I've wanted "big" God sightings (particularly when the struggles of my day seem big and I want Him to fix it), but when my heart is right, even the little ones are big. I just have to open my eyes and slow down for a minute.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Another set of scans
I went to Boston on Monday for my routine scans and to see Dr. Choy and Dr. Raskin. I went all by myself! (I think this was a first as last time we went to Boston, we took the kids for a fun day trip.) It felt good to have "graduated" to this. 8)
The scans were clean, so now I will only be getting lung x-rays instead of CT scans. This is a step in the right direction. Since I'll still be having pelvic CT scans every 3 months, I'll still have to deal with the large drink and the IV, but I'm getting there. The person who reads the CT scans did notice a weird place on my left breast. This isn't something that they're very concerned about as my body is still changing from postpartum (and I have young boobs!...relatively speaking). "Nevertheless" (that's a quote from the report), I need to go have a mammogram done as a precaution. So, I'll hopefully have that scheduled in Dover or Rochester before Christmas.
I have to admit that when Dr. Choy said (over the phone) that when they read the CT scans, they sometimes see things other than what they're looking for, I held my breath. However, Dr. Choy rarely puts me at ease about these kinds of things (he's very cautious in his approach to my treatment...always allowing for the "just in case"), but he really isn't concerned about this. I really didn't feel very worried about it. I was thinking of it as another test. However, Bob's reaction has made me a bit more on edge about it. I found myself thinking about the Sun. before I received my diagnosis about my hip, when I told Bob that I didn't have cancer and he needed to be quiet about that. (I was pretty upset that he was even suggesting it.) And he was right. So, that rocks the boat a little bit. BUT, God is still in control, and I know that He wants me to trust Him with this too/again. I'm going to just keep asking Him to help me with the trust thing. It isn't easy.
The best part of going to Boston was seeing old friends... "my girls" from Phillips 21 (nurses who cared for me during chemo), nurses who cared for Ethan during his stay, and my doctors. I really do like them. I also enjoyed the quiet ride in the car. I did a lot of thinking and praying. It was definitely good for me.
The scans were clean, so now I will only be getting lung x-rays instead of CT scans. This is a step in the right direction. Since I'll still be having pelvic CT scans every 3 months, I'll still have to deal with the large drink and the IV, but I'm getting there. The person who reads the CT scans did notice a weird place on my left breast. This isn't something that they're very concerned about as my body is still changing from postpartum (and I have young boobs!...relatively speaking). "Nevertheless" (that's a quote from the report), I need to go have a mammogram done as a precaution. So, I'll hopefully have that scheduled in Dover or Rochester before Christmas.
I have to admit that when Dr. Choy said (over the phone) that when they read the CT scans, they sometimes see things other than what they're looking for, I held my breath. However, Dr. Choy rarely puts me at ease about these kinds of things (he's very cautious in his approach to my treatment...always allowing for the "just in case"), but he really isn't concerned about this. I really didn't feel very worried about it. I was thinking of it as another test. However, Bob's reaction has made me a bit more on edge about it. I found myself thinking about the Sun. before I received my diagnosis about my hip, when I told Bob that I didn't have cancer and he needed to be quiet about that. (I was pretty upset that he was even suggesting it.) And he was right. So, that rocks the boat a little bit. BUT, God is still in control, and I know that He wants me to trust Him with this too/again. I'm going to just keep asking Him to help me with the trust thing. It isn't easy.
The best part of going to Boston was seeing old friends... "my girls" from Phillips 21 (nurses who cared for me during chemo), nurses who cared for Ethan during his stay, and my doctors. I really do like them. I also enjoyed the quiet ride in the car. I did a lot of thinking and praying. It was definitely good for me.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Ponderings
It's been a really hard week emotionally. I won't go into the details, but I'll tell you the areas of my life that it "hit"...friendships, parenting, identity, and I got my period! Of course, everything happens at once. It has led to these thoughts.
When I was sick, I was looking at Philippians 4:8 and couldn't wrap my head around how I could view the cancer and chemo as true, lovely, pure,... I talked with Bob about this as I was totally stumped. What he said really hit home. He said, "Maybe this verse is talking about meditating on (keeping my thoughts on) God. He is true, pure, lovely, praiseworthy." Boy, isn't that the truth! As I've tried to trudge through this really emotionally challenging week (it's been a real humdinger!), I'm challenged to keep my thoughts on God and not all these other things that are rocking my world. An e-mail from my sister-in-law also helped as she reminded me of the Israelites and God's tough love information for them in Deuteronomy. I wondered where she was going with this...until I continued reading what she wrote! She shared that the verses made her think about how God wants us to see Him in all things and not be so wrapped up in the details of the situation and what the reasons for them might be. I don't think that we're not supposed to think about what God is doing and what He is trying to teach us, but I think it's more about what my primary focus is. Isn't it just like me to be self-focused in thinking about the "why's"? It's not all about me.
Now you might be thinking, "Oh, Sarah, you're being too hard on yourself" or "We do need to learn from what is going on". What I'm trying to share is what I've been thinking about my primary focus, not the only focus. (As a woman, I can do that, right?! Ha! HA!) Actually, as I'm typing this, another thing I read recently is coming to mind. It was an article challenging me not to lose the celebration of Jesus this Christmas season. This is a common "message", but it caught my attention in that it was focused on many of the things that I value - Christmas decorations and atmosphere, making the Holiday special for the kids, preparations for gift giving. The article challenged me to consider if celebrating Jesus is truly at the center of all of this. (If you want to read the article, you can go to http://sharonjaynes.com/blog/ and look for the entry "1 Corinthians 13 Christmas Style".)
Hmmm....I think I see a theme here. 8)
When I was sick, I was looking at Philippians 4:8 and couldn't wrap my head around how I could view the cancer and chemo as true, lovely, pure,... I talked with Bob about this as I was totally stumped. What he said really hit home. He said, "Maybe this verse is talking about meditating on (keeping my thoughts on) God. He is true, pure, lovely, praiseworthy." Boy, isn't that the truth! As I've tried to trudge through this really emotionally challenging week (it's been a real humdinger!), I'm challenged to keep my thoughts on God and not all these other things that are rocking my world. An e-mail from my sister-in-law also helped as she reminded me of the Israelites and God's tough love information for them in Deuteronomy. I wondered where she was going with this...until I continued reading what she wrote! She shared that the verses made her think about how God wants us to see Him in all things and not be so wrapped up in the details of the situation and what the reasons for them might be. I don't think that we're not supposed to think about what God is doing and what He is trying to teach us, but I think it's more about what my primary focus is. Isn't it just like me to be self-focused in thinking about the "why's"? It's not all about me.
Now you might be thinking, "Oh, Sarah, you're being too hard on yourself" or "We do need to learn from what is going on". What I'm trying to share is what I've been thinking about my primary focus, not the only focus. (As a woman, I can do that, right?! Ha! HA!) Actually, as I'm typing this, another thing I read recently is coming to mind. It was an article challenging me not to lose the celebration of Jesus this Christmas season. This is a common "message", but it caught my attention in that it was focused on many of the things that I value - Christmas decorations and atmosphere, making the Holiday special for the kids, preparations for gift giving. The article challenged me to consider if celebrating Jesus is truly at the center of all of this. (If you want to read the article, you can go to http://sharonjaynes.com/blog/ and look for the entry "1 Corinthians 13 Christmas Style".)
Hmmm....I think I see a theme here. 8)
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