Well, I'm half-way through the week of tests and appts. Monday's MRI went fine in spite of its challenges (major overstimulation by the noise of the machine...God was good in reminding me of being in the shadow of His wings. I kept picturing His wings over my ears helping drown out the noise that was so overwhelming it made me want to cry...tough to explain but very real nonetheless.) The staff at Portsmouth Hospital was great. Tomorrow, I start the colonoscopy prep. I'm finding that I'm approaching it with alot of dread but am trying to remind myself that I don't need to feel this way. God has gotten me through far worse, and He cares about this "smaller stuff" too. He'll get me through the hunger of an all-liquid diet and the cramping that will come in the evening. He'll help me drink the solution, and who knows, maybe the taste won't be so bad now that it has flavoring. Regardless, I'm realizing that I need to check my attitude; today has been a tougher day with that. (I'm sure the dreary weather doesn't help.)
Today's encouragement is related to the kids. In the midst of my attitude struggles lies concerns about mothering the kids. I know that their needs are being met (thanks in large part to Mom and Bob), but I want to connect with them. I find myself feeling inadequate in this area (even though I recognize that this is just a season and that the kids probably will not remember it). My limited mobility and energy levels seem like very large obstacles in playing with/connecting with the kids, especially Anderson who's all about sports and movement. My favorite kind of connection is reading together and doing activities where we are "out and about" learning and exploring together. These kinds of activities just aren't happening during this season, and it leaves me wondering if we're building relationship, if they're feeling loved and nurtured by me. So, anyway, God encouraged me in the area of the older kids' and my relationships: 1) I suggested to Anderson that we make Jello together (in prep for tomorrow's diet). His excitement over this surprised me in that he usually isn't interested in cooking with me. 2) The kids and I had fun reading the moose book together. (It's sometimes tough to have both kids engaged in the same book at the same time, and I was at an appt. during our normal reading time.) 3) God put a slug on our walkway that we were able to observe and play with. This was an "adventure" that I could also participate in, and although the kids wouldn't touch it, they enjoyed watching the slug pull its antenna in when I touched it. I'm thankful that God keeps sending encouragement, especially on days like today when I feel like I need it more.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
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What a blessing that God is giving you eyes to see the 'loving' moments you are having with the kids, even though you can't run around with them just yet. (But Sarah, just WHO YOU ARE is such a loving, soft, gracious, and caring person, that even if you were totally immobile, I'm sure the kids would still feel and know of your love for them through your looks, words, and touch.)
ReplyDeleteI hear you on the dread - I consistantly find that I make almost any new/unknown/dreaded procedure WAY worse with my worry beforehand - it usually ends up so much easier than I had made it out to be in my mind, which just means I wasted all that energy worrying for nothing! I hate that. I'm bad at not worrying, but I guess all you can do it keep giving it to Him and cling to those verses that get you through! "In times I am afraid, I will put my trust in You." Love you!!!
Sarah.... My prayers and thoughts are with you as you go through all this testing this week. Just keep your eyes focused on the one that can get us through the storm as I see you are and you will make it through :)... I have been through the prep and process of a colonoscopy and although a bit uncomfortable it is manangeable and I am sure with all you have been through this will be a breeze.
ReplyDeleteYour children love you so much..I know we judge ourselves about our parenting skills more than they do, but I am so glad you were able to find some things that were engaging for the kids and put you at peace.
Thinking of you often... God Bless... Laura Patton
Sarah, you are clearly an amazing mom...don't ever think otherwise. Your love for your kids is obvious, and they'll be able to see that regardless of whether or not your able to run around with them. Stay strong! God's going to pull you through this.
ReplyDeleteLexi Nesbitt
Sarah~
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your heart with us. I have been praying for you, knowing what a rough week you and your whole family had. We are rejoicing with you that all the tests came back negative! :) Praise God! :) I am glad too that you can see the "God moments" through your trial. I love you.