Well, it's 9:00pm, and after 9 hours of sodium bicarbonate (5 pills at a time, also an IV going continuously), I still am not able to start the chemo drug. My pH has to be at least 7, and it's hovering at 6.5. [Ironically, Bob just discovered that the pH of the water I've been pounding down is 5.0. We've asked the nurse if this would make a difference in my body's pH. She had never heard of this before - leave it to Bob! - but they're checking into it. In the meantime, I won't drink the tap water. They've also decided to use a different bottle of test paper in case there's something wrong with how it's measuring the pH of my urine.] This is very frustrating in that I can't leave the hospital until more than 24 hours after I start the chemo drug because they can't give me the antidote until 24 hours later and then have to monitor me for a while. This means that I won't be going home until Fri. AM, and I am really struggling with this. I've cried a lot today, partly because of the disappointment of going home much later than expected, partly because I'm really missing the kids (this is the first extended time away from Ethan since we've been able to be together), partly because of the stress of all of this, partly because I'm hormonal. Bob is being supportive, remembering that touch is my love language, but I know that it's hard for him to understand why I'm "so worked up". I have a hard time looking at this as just getting some medicine. I know that the drug is supposed to be my friend in that it will kill the cancer cells, but I struggle to not see it as a poison that I'm taking into my body. It's killing the "good Sarah cells" too. So, I pray that God will give me the right perspective. I also know that coming to grips with chemo is a process.
On the up side, I had a great good-night time with the kids, in spite of being here. I had photocopied a Bible story from their Bible and was able to "read" it to them over the speaker phone. They did really well paying attention (even Lyndsey!). We then did our bedtime prayers together. This time "together" was very good for me, and I'm thankful that God put the idea in my head.
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Hey my friend. I just read your post and wanted to encourage you. I am praying your pH up to 7 so you can get going. Your bubbas are sleeping with good thoughts about you tonight. You can do it!!!! Keep writing. I am going to keep checking in on you. Love you! Sending you a hug!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're having this trouble!! Praying for you - for your spirit, your health, your kids, and that everything will come together in His perfect timing. xoxo
ReplyDeleteCarey
Keep looking up! God has his arms around you and your little ones. He will see you through this with His sustaining grace. We are praying for you all and will continue. We can't know exactly what you are feeling but we are right there with you. We love you! :)
ReplyDeleteAunt Paula
I wish that we lived closer so that i could do more to help you guys through this. Your always on my mind and I am amazed by your strength! You are a very strong woman and an incredible mother. Focus on the future when this is all just a memory and your home with your family. I am sure that is easier said then done but you can do it, i continue to pray for you daily! love sara wilson
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