I meant to blog about this earlier, but time got away from me. Last Friday, Lyndsey was climbing onto a swing in the back yard and fell off backwards. She cried, but my friend checked the movement of her shoulder and it seemed OK. However, then when she later tried to help Lyndsey get on the potty, she yelped (flag #1). At lunch time, when I was observing her (up from my nap at this point), I noticed that her hand and arm were hanging straight at her side all the time (flag #2), her hand looked a bit swollen (flag #3), she was awkward getting up into her booster seat as she was babying it (flag #4), and after giving her children's ibuprofin, nothing seemed to change (flag #5). My first thought was, "Oh, I wish Mom were here. She'd know what to do." But she wasn't due to be back for a while, so I had to do this on my own. Since it was Friday, I certainly didn't want to wait it out a day, putting us potentially in the emergency room on the weekend, so I called the dr. At 2:00, we headed to the pediatricians and after that to the hospital for x-rays. Lyndsey was such a trooper; she did great. We ended up back home at 5:00 with a diagnosis of a broken collarbone and orders to make a sling and give her children's Tylenol. (Thank You, Lord, for giving me the instinct to bring her to the dr.) Little did we know what a battle we would be in for with the Tylenol (gagging and spitting it back out in spite of its yummy orange flavor). Bob was persistent as we knew she needed it; she was acting out of character because she was hurting so much.
At this point, Lyndsey is doing quite well. We struggle to make sure she doesn't use that hand to carry things while wearing the sling, so we know it must be feeling better. Her neck is green from the bruising, so that's another sign of healing. She is supposed to go back to the dr. next week for a check-up.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Chemo Update
We started chemo, finally, at 1:30 this morning (13 hours of trying to raise my pH...it's looking like the pH of the water did not affect it as the bottled water also has a low pH). This made a very long night as I had to wake frequently to pee. I got a stretch of 3 hours and another stretch of 2 hours; the rest were an hour or less. The chemo was concluded at 5:30 when I had the privilege of a blood draw (by a sweet man who called me "Miss Sarah"; he was so concerned about being gentle) and the nurse having to fuss with my IV as there was something sketchy. It turned out to be fine. [Note that the perk of starting so late was that I was able to pump more milk for Ethan. Let me tell you, that 1:00 pumping was a labor of love (due to both tiredness and the monster pump was doing a number on me), and the last thing I wanted to do. However, it was my last chance to give to Ethan in this way, so I figured I should just do it. Knowing me, I'd regret it later.
So, this morning, I feel all whacked out, but it could be the lack of sleep. The chemo did cause a bit of nausea which they have treated with 2 different drugs. They definitely took the edge off, and I ate breakfast. I'm hoping to get back to napping after I write this. I will be awakened regularly though as I need to pee out the methotrexate as quickly as possible. They don't want it sitting in me; this is a way to help protect the kidneys, I guess. And so far, no mouth sores. I think that they can show up any time today, but this is a good start.
When the dr. came in to see me today, he said that there is a slight chance that I could go home today if my kidneys work hard (quickly) to process all this through me (and out of me), in spite of the 24 hour wait for the antidote. So, please pray with me that I will make it home for the kids' bedtime. This would be a work of God, but He is able.
So, this morning, I feel all whacked out, but it could be the lack of sleep. The chemo did cause a bit of nausea which they have treated with 2 different drugs. They definitely took the edge off, and I ate breakfast. I'm hoping to get back to napping after I write this. I will be awakened regularly though as I need to pee out the methotrexate as quickly as possible. They don't want it sitting in me; this is a way to help protect the kidneys, I guess. And so far, no mouth sores. I think that they can show up any time today, but this is a good start.
When the dr. came in to see me today, he said that there is a slight chance that I could go home today if my kidneys work hard (quickly) to process all this through me (and out of me), in spite of the 24 hour wait for the antidote. So, please pray with me that I will make it home for the kids' bedtime. This would be a work of God, but He is able.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Chemo Challenges
Well, it's 9:00pm, and after 9 hours of sodium bicarbonate (5 pills at a time, also an IV going continuously), I still am not able to start the chemo drug. My pH has to be at least 7, and it's hovering at 6.5. [Ironically, Bob just discovered that the pH of the water I've been pounding down is 5.0. We've asked the nurse if this would make a difference in my body's pH. She had never heard of this before - leave it to Bob! - but they're checking into it. In the meantime, I won't drink the tap water. They've also decided to use a different bottle of test paper in case there's something wrong with how it's measuring the pH of my urine.] This is very frustrating in that I can't leave the hospital until more than 24 hours after I start the chemo drug because they can't give me the antidote until 24 hours later and then have to monitor me for a while. This means that I won't be going home until Fri. AM, and I am really struggling with this. I've cried a lot today, partly because of the disappointment of going home much later than expected, partly because I'm really missing the kids (this is the first extended time away from Ethan since we've been able to be together), partly because of the stress of all of this, partly because I'm hormonal. Bob is being supportive, remembering that touch is my love language, but I know that it's hard for him to understand why I'm "so worked up". I have a hard time looking at this as just getting some medicine. I know that the drug is supposed to be my friend in that it will kill the cancer cells, but I struggle to not see it as a poison that I'm taking into my body. It's killing the "good Sarah cells" too. So, I pray that God will give me the right perspective. I also know that coming to grips with chemo is a process.
On the up side, I had a great good-night time with the kids, in spite of being here. I had photocopied a Bible story from their Bible and was able to "read" it to them over the speaker phone. They did really well paying attention (even Lyndsey!). We then did our bedtime prayers together. This time "together" was very good for me, and I'm thankful that God put the idea in my head.
On the up side, I had a great good-night time with the kids, in spite of being here. I had photocopied a Bible story from their Bible and was able to "read" it to them over the speaker phone. They did really well paying attention (even Lyndsey!). We then did our bedtime prayers together. This time "together" was very good for me, and I'm thankful that God put the idea in my head.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Chemo Plan
Today we scheduled my chemotherapy; I'm starting next Tuesday. Bob will go with me, and we'll stay in the hospital 1 night, returning some time in the afternoon on Wed. The timing depends on how my body reacts to the medication I'm given. I thought it might be helpful if I give a run-down of the game plan of what each 6 week "cycle" should look like.
Week 1-methotrexate: medication that has an antidote which means that it should be "well-tolerated" meaning I might be tired and maybe get mouth sores - treatment is a 24 hour trip to Boston
Week 2 - methotrexate: same as above
Week 3 - cisplatin an dadriamycin: medications that are very harsh and require administration through a port in my chest that will stay in for the year (dr. has prescribed 4 anti-nausea drugs that I'll need to work with to find a combination and timing that will help me; hair loss; fatigue; risk of infections) - treatment is a 48 hour trip to Boston and side effects usually are strongest for 1-2 weeks from hospital stay
Weeks 4-6 - recover and rest
I will have to complete 6 of these cycles. The dr. says to plan on it taking a year as many things can interrupt the schedule. I am praying that I will be finished and feeling good by Ethan's birthday.
Week 1-methotrexate: medication that has an antidote which means that it should be "well-tolerated" meaning I might be tired and maybe get mouth sores - treatment is a 24 hour trip to Boston
Week 2 - methotrexate: same as above
Week 3 - cisplatin an dadriamycin: medications that are very harsh and require administration through a port in my chest that will stay in for the year (dr. has prescribed 4 anti-nausea drugs that I'll need to work with to find a combination and timing that will help me; hair loss; fatigue; risk of infections) - treatment is a 48 hour trip to Boston and side effects usually are strongest for 1-2 weeks from hospital stay
Weeks 4-6 - recover and rest
I will have to complete 6 of these cycles. The dr. says to plan on it taking a year as many things can interrupt the schedule. I am praying that I will be finished and feeling good by Ethan's birthday.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Pre-Chemo Meeting
Well, we went to Boston yesterday to meet with my orthopedic oncologist (hip dr.) and my oncologist (chemo dr.). The appt. went well, although it was a long day. The highlights of the day were seeing Ethan's transitional nursery nurse and our new friend who started as my anasthesiologist for the c-section. The appt. was a check-up of my hip as well as informational meeting for the chemo. It was really encouraging to hear that my hip and walking are progressing very well, particularly considering I'm only 5 weeks out. Dr. Raskin thinks maybe I'll be able to learn to walk without a limp (a rarity).
The meeting with the oncologist was hard, although we both left feeling like the chemo isn't going to be as horrendous as we had thought. I think that this is really a product of a good meeting but that our impressions are probably far to the other extreme. It seems that the times when I feel ill will mostly be when I'm at home, rather than when I'm in the hospital receiving treatment. Does this mean that I might actually have a chance to make Lyndsey's baby scrapbook during treatment? This would definitely be a silver lining since in spite of my best efforts, I only have a few pages of her book done. I'm not sure if I'll be able to have the energy to motivate myself, but I don't think it does any harm to hope. Because our appt. ran so late, Bob and I stopped for dinner on the way home. By that point, I started to feel overwhelmed and exhausted, and by this morning, I've moved on to scared and nervous. I was hoping that they would call today to schedule the chemo so we can just get this thing over with - having it hanging out in front of me is getting harder and harder. No call yet...
Even though I woke up struggling emotionally, God pulled me out. As I cried out to Him, He prodded me to get out of bed and face this day. He showed me that the kids need me today (especially a very naughty Lyndsey as the day started), so parenting kept me very busy. And the best part is that it wasn't all discipline - we actually took a walk today and spent some time outside (me, Mom, Lyndsey, Anderson, Ethan, and Buddy). This is the first time in months, and I think that it was good for all of us. [Picture this, Buddy is in the lead, sniffing the way. Anderson is pushing Ethan in his carriage. Lyndsey is trucking along behind him with her baby doll in her smaller carriage. I'm trailing behind with the crutch while Mom catches up since she had to run back for a hat. What an entourage!] So, once again, God sustained us. Thank You, Lord, for today's sunshine, the singing of the birds, and the woodpecker we saw tapping on a tree.
The meeting with the oncologist was hard, although we both left feeling like the chemo isn't going to be as horrendous as we had thought. I think that this is really a product of a good meeting but that our impressions are probably far to the other extreme. It seems that the times when I feel ill will mostly be when I'm at home, rather than when I'm in the hospital receiving treatment. Does this mean that I might actually have a chance to make Lyndsey's baby scrapbook during treatment? This would definitely be a silver lining since in spite of my best efforts, I only have a few pages of her book done. I'm not sure if I'll be able to have the energy to motivate myself, but I don't think it does any harm to hope. Because our appt. ran so late, Bob and I stopped for dinner on the way home. By that point, I started to feel overwhelmed and exhausted, and by this morning, I've moved on to scared and nervous. I was hoping that they would call today to schedule the chemo so we can just get this thing over with - having it hanging out in front of me is getting harder and harder. No call yet...
Even though I woke up struggling emotionally, God pulled me out. As I cried out to Him, He prodded me to get out of bed and face this day. He showed me that the kids need me today (especially a very naughty Lyndsey as the day started), so parenting kept me very busy. And the best part is that it wasn't all discipline - we actually took a walk today and spent some time outside (me, Mom, Lyndsey, Anderson, Ethan, and Buddy). This is the first time in months, and I think that it was good for all of us. [Picture this, Buddy is in the lead, sniffing the way. Anderson is pushing Ethan in his carriage. Lyndsey is trucking along behind him with her baby doll in her smaller carriage. I'm trailing behind with the crutch while Mom catches up since she had to run back for a hat. What an entourage!] So, once again, God sustained us. Thank You, Lord, for today's sunshine, the singing of the birds, and the woodpecker we saw tapping on a tree.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Lyndsey's Birthday Present
We are amazed at God's provision, even in the "small" things. Since are kids are so fortunate, figuring out what to get Lyndsey for her birthday was a bit of a challenge. We've known for a while that we wanted to get her a baby doll swing as she's very "into" baby dolls. We thought that it might also help keep her away from Ethan in his swing (or using his swing for her babies). Well, apparently, they aren't making swings like this anymore unless you want a whole set of baby accessories (which we do NOT). We found one that was made by Graco back in '04 but stores aren't selling it. Bob even searched the internet for used ones. He found one in Minneapolis, but the guy didn't want to mail it to us. By Thursday (Lyndsey's birthday and the day the kids and Bob and I were going to give Lyndsey our gifts), we still didn't have a gift for Lyndsey. The back-up plan, determined on the way to my procedures, was to pick up an umbrella and rain boots for her.
On the way home, I suggested stopping at Children's Orchard (consignment shop that usually has very few toys). Bob agreed, which is unusual in that he doesn't care to run errands/make a bunch of stops on the way to his destination. We stopped, and God showed us the treasure that He had stored there for us...a Graco swing and matching pack and play (for less money than just the swing in Minneapolis, not considering shipping). Not only that, but the swing has batteries to rock the baby AND play music. How cool is that?! (Lyndsey discovered that it plays music, and Anderson discovered that it plays multiple songs.) We also "found" a cradle swing for Ethan, just like the one that we'd borrowed temporarily from a friend that works in helping him with his nighttime gas problems) for $50 compared to $140 brand new. What a blessing! With this item, Bob had also been looking on-line but the few leads he'd found had not worked out. God is good.
On the way home, I suggested stopping at Children's Orchard (consignment shop that usually has very few toys). Bob agreed, which is unusual in that he doesn't care to run errands/make a bunch of stops on the way to his destination. We stopped, and God showed us the treasure that He had stored there for us...a Graco swing and matching pack and play (for less money than just the swing in Minneapolis, not considering shipping). Not only that, but the swing has batteries to rock the baby AND play music. How cool is that?! (Lyndsey discovered that it plays music, and Anderson discovered that it plays multiple songs.) We also "found" a cradle swing for Ethan, just like the one that we'd borrowed temporarily from a friend that works in helping him with his nighttime gas problems) for $50 compared to $140 brand new. What a blessing! With this item, Bob had also been looking on-line but the few leads he'd found had not worked out. God is good.
Test Results
We are so relieved and grateful to share with you that ALL the tests from this week came back clear - no tumors. I hadn't really felt stressed about what the results would be, but when I was told that the breast MRI was clear, I cried. (Now you know who's writing this. *grin*) I guess I was more emotional about it than I realized. The colonoscopy/endoscopy didn't affect me as much as I thought it would, although the tiredness hit me like a brick at 8:30 this morning. I slept hard for 2 hours and struggled to get up at that point. (I'm so thankful that a friend was here watching Lyndsey, and cleaning!) Ethan and I enjoyed the nap together...no worries, he was safe from being smothered or rolled on as I'm still having to prop myself carefully with pillows so I won't dislocate the hip when on my side.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Ethan's Progress
We are shocked!! Ethan went to the doctor's today for a weigh-in, and he is 7 POUNDS, 10 OUNCES. We know that Momma makes good milk, but good grief! So, the concerns about him sleeping long stretches while swaddled tightly and spitting up more than he was...obviouly not necessary. We are so thankful that God is blessing Ethan with good health. Right now, Lyndsey and Bob have a little cold, so please pray that neither Ethan nor I will get it.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Encouragement in Motherhood
Well, I'm half-way through the week of tests and appts. Monday's MRI went fine in spite of its challenges (major overstimulation by the noise of the machine...God was good in reminding me of being in the shadow of His wings. I kept picturing His wings over my ears helping drown out the noise that was so overwhelming it made me want to cry...tough to explain but very real nonetheless.) The staff at Portsmouth Hospital was great. Tomorrow, I start the colonoscopy prep. I'm finding that I'm approaching it with alot of dread but am trying to remind myself that I don't need to feel this way. God has gotten me through far worse, and He cares about this "smaller stuff" too. He'll get me through the hunger of an all-liquid diet and the cramping that will come in the evening. He'll help me drink the solution, and who knows, maybe the taste won't be so bad now that it has flavoring. Regardless, I'm realizing that I need to check my attitude; today has been a tougher day with that. (I'm sure the dreary weather doesn't help.)
Today's encouragement is related to the kids. In the midst of my attitude struggles lies concerns about mothering the kids. I know that their needs are being met (thanks in large part to Mom and Bob), but I want to connect with them. I find myself feeling inadequate in this area (even though I recognize that this is just a season and that the kids probably will not remember it). My limited mobility and energy levels seem like very large obstacles in playing with/connecting with the kids, especially Anderson who's all about sports and movement. My favorite kind of connection is reading together and doing activities where we are "out and about" learning and exploring together. These kinds of activities just aren't happening during this season, and it leaves me wondering if we're building relationship, if they're feeling loved and nurtured by me. So, anyway, God encouraged me in the area of the older kids' and my relationships: 1) I suggested to Anderson that we make Jello together (in prep for tomorrow's diet). His excitement over this surprised me in that he usually isn't interested in cooking with me. 2) The kids and I had fun reading the moose book together. (It's sometimes tough to have both kids engaged in the same book at the same time, and I was at an appt. during our normal reading time.) 3) God put a slug on our walkway that we were able to observe and play with. This was an "adventure" that I could also participate in, and although the kids wouldn't touch it, they enjoyed watching the slug pull its antenna in when I touched it. I'm thankful that God keeps sending encouragement, especially on days like today when I feel like I need it more.
Today's encouragement is related to the kids. In the midst of my attitude struggles lies concerns about mothering the kids. I know that their needs are being met (thanks in large part to Mom and Bob), but I want to connect with them. I find myself feeling inadequate in this area (even though I recognize that this is just a season and that the kids probably will not remember it). My limited mobility and energy levels seem like very large obstacles in playing with/connecting with the kids, especially Anderson who's all about sports and movement. My favorite kind of connection is reading together and doing activities where we are "out and about" learning and exploring together. These kinds of activities just aren't happening during this season, and it leaves me wondering if we're building relationship, if they're feeling loved and nurtured by me. So, anyway, God encouraged me in the area of the older kids' and my relationships: 1) I suggested to Anderson that we make Jello together (in prep for tomorrow's diet). His excitement over this surprised me in that he usually isn't interested in cooking with me. 2) The kids and I had fun reading the moose book together. (It's sometimes tough to have both kids engaged in the same book at the same time, and I was at an appt. during our normal reading time.) 3) God put a slug on our walkway that we were able to observe and play with. This was an "adventure" that I could also participate in, and although the kids wouldn't touch it, they enjoyed watching the slug pull its antenna in when I touched it. I'm thankful that God keeps sending encouragement, especially on days like today when I feel like I need it more.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Ethan update
Ethan weighs 6.5 pounds! He seems to be thriving and developing as full-term babies do. I [Sarah] was amazed that he recently figured out how to use Mumma as a human pacifier, sucking without taking in and swallowing milk...little bugger! He is now lifting his head in a controlled way off of our shoulders. We also learned that Grammie knows the perfect temperature for Ethan's bath. (Apparently, Mumma and Daddy were making it too cold!)
My Emotional State
Here is a rarity...a posting from Sarah. I have wanted to use the blog but time just doesn't allow it for the most part. I wanted to take a quick minute to share what God is doing; hopefully, it will encourage you too.
Last Friday was a brutal day for me - lots of tears, lots of struggles with my thoughts and how to approach the upcoming chemo, lots of raw emotion about the "futility of this situation". In the midst of it, I knew that this is part of the Deceiver's attempts to take my attention away from God. (The Bible says that he roams about like a lion seeking whom he may devour. This is definitely true in my experience.) So I questioned, "What do I do about these thoughts and emotions?" I struggled. I prayed and cried and prayed, asking God to help me and knowing that He has proven again and again that He is faithful to sustain me. "Why am I struggling with these doubts and fears when I know better?" I found myself asking and then answering myself with, "because I'm human". I knew that tiredness was a major factor in my emotional state of feeling lost and hopeless. You know what? God was still good even though I was not trusting Him. (After all, was it any surprise to Him? Did I let Him down or surprise Him?) Once again, He seized the opportunity to show His love. The gift of that day was having me go to bed at 7:30 (only 1 hour after getting up from a 2 hour nap!) so that I could get through the night because Ethan was up 12:30-4:30 Sat. AM with gas issues. I am so thankful for God's provision of sleep as the alternative would not have been pretty.
God's provision didn't stop there. Sat. morning, I woke up in a much better emotional state. A friend encouraged me to read Phil. 4, which talks about what kinds of things to think about (true, lovely, pure, just, praiseworthy) and to not be anxious but pray to God about everything. [In return, He gives peace that passes understanding to guard our hearts and minds.] I could see how thinking about things that are true applies to dealing with cancer (e.g., not allowing myself to go down the road of "what ifs" or thinking certain things will happen - like puking my brains out - when I don't know if that is going to be my reality), but the other things in the list were confusing me. How do things that are lovely, pure, just, etc., apply to cancer and chemotherapy? Bob had a great response - God has all those attributes. I'm to keep my mind on Him! Hello! Of course! And guess what? When I'm thinking about God and Who He is, my perspective also changes.
A bunch of other things also happened over the next 3-4 days that promoted the idea of knowing God for WHO He is and letting my thoughts linger there...a couple of worship songs that Bob found (and has posted on the site), a card from my sister-in-law with a note she'd written, verses sent over e-mail to the women's Bible study of which I'm a part, a reminder about a book I'm borrowing about the names of God and what they reveal about His character, notes in a card from strangers. So you see, I'm in awe of how all these pieces to a puzzle are fitting together to point me to where God wants me. He wants me to rest in Him and one way this is possible is by dwelling on who He is and finding peace in His character that is totally predictable and never changes. Obviously, this is much easier said than done, but for these days, God has graciously given me peace in knowing that this is what He wants my response to be - to want to know Him and to seek to know Him better. This isn't about brownie points or going through the motions of "doing what is right". It's about my Father who just wants me to relate with Him. Obviously, the better I know Him, the more sweet those interactions will be. So, I'm encouraged. But this really isn't about just my encouragement. Truly, God wants each of us to know Him and to experience the peace found during struggles when we know His character in a personal way. I believe that every struggle (and victory) is an opportunity to know another aspect of God, but it can fly right past us if we're not paying attention. (I think that it's a lot like human relationships where experiences can draw people closer together, knowing each other more intimately, if the people take advantage of the insights gained by sharing an experience.)
Last Friday was a brutal day for me - lots of tears, lots of struggles with my thoughts and how to approach the upcoming chemo, lots of raw emotion about the "futility of this situation". In the midst of it, I knew that this is part of the Deceiver's attempts to take my attention away from God. (The Bible says that he roams about like a lion seeking whom he may devour. This is definitely true in my experience.) So I questioned, "What do I do about these thoughts and emotions?" I struggled. I prayed and cried and prayed, asking God to help me and knowing that He has proven again and again that He is faithful to sustain me. "Why am I struggling with these doubts and fears when I know better?" I found myself asking and then answering myself with, "because I'm human". I knew that tiredness was a major factor in my emotional state of feeling lost and hopeless. You know what? God was still good even though I was not trusting Him. (After all, was it any surprise to Him? Did I let Him down or surprise Him?) Once again, He seized the opportunity to show His love. The gift of that day was having me go to bed at 7:30 (only 1 hour after getting up from a 2 hour nap!) so that I could get through the night because Ethan was up 12:30-4:30 Sat. AM with gas issues. I am so thankful for God's provision of sleep as the alternative would not have been pretty.
God's provision didn't stop there. Sat. morning, I woke up in a much better emotional state. A friend encouraged me to read Phil. 4, which talks about what kinds of things to think about (true, lovely, pure, just, praiseworthy) and to not be anxious but pray to God about everything. [In return, He gives peace that passes understanding to guard our hearts and minds.] I could see how thinking about things that are true applies to dealing with cancer (e.g., not allowing myself to go down the road of "what ifs" or thinking certain things will happen - like puking my brains out - when I don't know if that is going to be my reality), but the other things in the list were confusing me. How do things that are lovely, pure, just, etc., apply to cancer and chemotherapy? Bob had a great response - God has all those attributes. I'm to keep my mind on Him! Hello! Of course! And guess what? When I'm thinking about God and Who He is, my perspective also changes.
A bunch of other things also happened over the next 3-4 days that promoted the idea of knowing God for WHO He is and letting my thoughts linger there...a couple of worship songs that Bob found (and has posted on the site), a card from my sister-in-law with a note she'd written, verses sent over e-mail to the women's Bible study of which I'm a part, a reminder about a book I'm borrowing about the names of God and what they reveal about His character, notes in a card from strangers. So you see, I'm in awe of how all these pieces to a puzzle are fitting together to point me to where God wants me. He wants me to rest in Him and one way this is possible is by dwelling on who He is and finding peace in His character that is totally predictable and never changes. Obviously, this is much easier said than done, but for these days, God has graciously given me peace in knowing that this is what He wants my response to be - to want to know Him and to seek to know Him better. This isn't about brownie points or going through the motions of "doing what is right". It's about my Father who just wants me to relate with Him. Obviously, the better I know Him, the more sweet those interactions will be. So, I'm encouraged. But this really isn't about just my encouragement. Truly, God wants each of us to know Him and to experience the peace found during struggles when we know His character in a personal way. I believe that every struggle (and victory) is an opportunity to know another aspect of God, but it can fly right past us if we're not paying attention. (I think that it's a lot like human relationships where experiences can draw people closer together, knowing each other more intimately, if the people take advantage of the insights gained by sharing an experience.)
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