Wakeful Thoughts

Yep, it's the wee hours of the morning, and I should be asleep. Unfortunately, chemo can have that affect - sleeplessness. I've taken medication the last few nights but am trying to fight it tonight, especially since I didn't nap earlier today. Ah well, I guess this is the time for this blog entry. Good thing my snoring hubby sleeps soundly. 8)
I'm listening to my iShuffle (thanks to my cousin, Melissa!), and the song that came on (Casting Crowns, I believe) made me think of a blog entry that has been brewing in my mind for weeks now, basically since last methotrexate treatment. The song says, "...And all the tears I've cried, You hold in Your hand. You are Who You are, no matter where I am." These words about God's tears have new meaning to me, particularly in light of a sermon that my cousin-in-love, JeriLynn, shared with me. Her pastor is doing a sermon series on the beatitudes (blessed are the... for ..., in Matthew). The one she was sharing about was "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted". [JeriLynn, I won't do this justice, and I'm working on the memory held by chemo brain, so please feel free to add to the comment section for this post with more details.] Anyway, some "notes" on this truth from God. Blessed - a concept very familiar and common in the Jewish culture. They would "bless" people, food, perhaps as an expression a step beyond thankfulness? "Blessed" is a good thing, a recognition of God's demonstration of His goodness. Anyway, mourning leads to comfort. As I was thinking about this, the verse in 1 Cor. comes to mind where we comfort with the comfort we have received. I have definitely experienced this on both ends; receiving and giving. We will definitely have a new level of giving comfort through this whole experience. How much better is the comfort that, rather than from man, we receive from God Who knows us intimately - our truest needs, hopes, disappointments, the very core of our being for He lovingly and uniquely created each one of us. That leads to the last (and biggest, in my mind) thought...God mourning. When Jesus died on the cross, He was separated from God because of the sin that was yours and mine that He took upon Himself, bearing the consequences. When this happened, the thick curtain that separated the Holy of Holies in the tabernacle from the outer region was torn in two. This kind of tear didn't just "happen" because the material was worn; it was an expression of God's sorrow, His mourning. Think of King David and how he mourned (in step with Jewish tradition). He covered himself in ash, tore his clothes, put on sackcloth. Well, the curtain tearing was God "tearing His clothes" as He mourned (as well as symbolized the removal of the separation that our sin created from relationship with God, made possible by Jesus' sacrifice). This thought has been eye-opening for me as to the level of God's understanding of my human experiences with grief. Obviously, He's God; He understands. However, I think that there was a part of me that doubted His level of understanding...crazy me. And the good news, God's mourning over separation from His Son didn't stop there. Jesus conquered death and the weight of our sin! He rose from the dead and was reunited with His Father in heaven, preparing a place for you and me if we choose to recognize our need and Jesus' ability to free us from our sin. Thank God that He is not still mourning and that we can be in a relationship with Him.
Now back to sleep, I hope.