Christmas Thoughts

As I sat down to write this year’s Christmas letter, I felt very torn about what to say. It has been a great year for us, but this year more than any other, I am aware of so many loved ones with heartaches who are struggling to see Christmas as “merry”. In thinking about this, I have found myself thinking more about the various aspects of Christmas. Joy is certainly one of them, but so is peace. Last Sunday's sermon was on peace (http://www.graceplace.com/resources), and it was very timely for me. I have been struggling with a lot of stressors over the last few months, and lately, it has been getting the better of me. Last Sunday, I was noticing how much turmoil I was feeling and wondering what exactly my problem was. Then my eyes were opened. Can I share with you my thought process?
Before, I would have described true peace as a sense of well-being not necessarily related to life’s circumstances. Many people say that it comes from within oneself. I have learned that for the Piro tribal people of Peru, the word translated “peace” means a “the well-arranged soul” which stuck in my memory as "a well-ordered soul”. That really struck me as I realized that I had lost the order in my soul! What does that mean? Who determines “order“? Well, Isaiah 9:6-7 says that Jesus is the Prince of Peace and foretells His coming to save the world. We all know that when Jesus lived 2000 years ago, He didn’t bring world peace as many had believed and hoped. Even now, the world and our lives are far from peaceful. So how could He be the Prince of Peace? Jesus restored order when He provided for us the ability to have a relationship with God by removing the sin that separates us from God. But for me, Jesus also restores order to my soul by giving me purpose and value in spite of my flaws, errors, stupidity, and by providing direction for my priorities. I think that I had lost a sense of peace because I had become too caught up in my life’s stresses, as well as the excitement of planning for Christmas. It’s time to regroup (and I'm still working on this). So since I need this reminder about peace, I thought that I would wish you the same, peace that reflects a well-ordered soul.
Merry and Peace-filled Christmas!

The Little Things

Amazingly, I have had a bit of time for pondering (2 visits to the gym, drive to Boston) although very little time for writing. I want to just take a minute to share how God has shown Himself in the little things. He's so amazing like that, and these can be such a big blessing if I take time to "be still".
Although my health is good, a lot has been going on emotionally and relationally this fall. I'm so thankful that I can exercise to help me process it and keep myself more balanced physically. A year ago, I couldn't do that at all. God also has been giving me little threads to hold onto in the midst of all of this...a Thanksgiving card from a friend, an e-mail from a different friend, meaningful affirmations/watchful concerns of others - all testifying to the friendships and love that God has blessed me with. All of these have been giving me bits of encouragement that He is in the details of friendships and using friends to encourage one another in His timing. Basically, these threads have helped keep me floating in this sea of controversy, heartache, and self-doubts.
On a completely different level, we have a potluck tonight. The back story is that I stock up on hamburger with my family. I didn't realize that I had used the last package until this morning when I went to get it out for tonight's meal. There wasn't one! I was like, "Oh no! Now what am I going to do?" I searched around...nothing. I started to brainstorm how I could improvise or what I could make instead because a trip to the grocery store was just not reasonable. Then, God helped me remember that we had cooked up 1 package with onions a few weeks ago and put it in the upstairs freezer. So, not only do I have hamburg, but it's already prepared for the casserole! Pretty cool.
I guess that I want to encourage you to be still for a few moments and look for God in the little things. I know that I've wanted "big" God sightings (particularly when the struggles of my day seem big and I want Him to fix it), but when my heart is right, even the little ones are big. I just have to open my eyes and slow down for a minute.

Another set of scans

I went to Boston on Monday for my routine scans and to see Dr. Choy and Dr. Raskin. I went all by myself! (I think this was a first as last time we went to Boston, we took the kids for a fun day trip.) It felt good to have "graduated" to this. 8)
The scans were clean, so now I will only be getting lung x-rays instead of CT scans. This is a step in the right direction. Since I'll still be having pelvic CT scans every 3 months, I'll still have to deal with the large drink and the IV, but I'm getting there. The person who reads the CT scans did notice a weird place on my left breast. This isn't something that they're very concerned about as my body is still changing from postpartum (and I have young boobs!...relatively speaking). "Nevertheless" (that's a quote from the report), I need to go have a mammogram done as a precaution. So, I'll hopefully have that scheduled in Dover or Rochester before Christmas.
I have to admit that when Dr. Choy said (over the phone) that when they read the CT scans, they sometimes see things other than what they're looking for, I held my breath. However, Dr. Choy rarely puts me at ease about these kinds of things (he's very cautious in his approach to my treatment...always allowing for the "just in case"), but he really isn't concerned about this. I really didn't feel very worried about it. I was thinking of it as another test. However, Bob's reaction has made me a bit more on edge about it. I found myself thinking about the Sun. before I received my diagnosis about my hip, when I told Bob that I didn't have cancer and he needed to be quiet about that. (I was pretty upset that he was even suggesting it.) And he was right. So, that rocks the boat a little bit. BUT, God is still in control, and I know that He wants me to trust Him with this too/again. I'm going to just keep asking Him to help me with the trust thing. It isn't easy.
The best part of going to Boston was seeing old friends... "my girls" from Phillips 21 (nurses who cared for me during chemo), nurses who cared for Ethan during his stay, and my doctors. I really do like them. I also enjoyed the quiet ride in the car. I did a lot of thinking and praying. It was definitely good for me.

Ponderings

It's been a really hard week emotionally. I won't go into the details, but I'll tell you the areas of my life that it "hit"...friendships, parenting, identity, and I got my period! Of course, everything happens at once. It has led to these thoughts.

When I was sick, I was looking at Philippians 4:8 and couldn't wrap my head around how I could view the cancer and chemo as true, lovely, pure,... I talked with Bob about this as I was totally stumped. What he said really hit home. He said, "Maybe this verse is talking about meditating on (keeping my thoughts on) God. He is true, pure, lovely, praiseworthy." Boy, isn't that the truth! As I've tried to trudge through this really emotionally challenging week (it's been a real humdinger!), I'm challenged to keep my thoughts on God and not all these other things that are rocking my world. An e-mail from my sister-in-law also helped as she reminded me of the Israelites and God's tough love information for them in Deuteronomy. I wondered where she was going with this...until I continued reading what she wrote! She shared that the verses made her think about how God wants us to see Him in all things and not be so wrapped up in the details of the situation and what the reasons for them might be. I don't think that we're not supposed to think about what God is doing and what He is trying to teach us, but I think it's more about what my primary focus is. Isn't it just like me to be self-focused in thinking about the "why's"? It's not all about me.

Now you might be thinking, "Oh, Sarah, you're being too hard on yourself" or "We do need to learn from what is going on". What I'm trying to share is what I've been thinking about my primary focus, not the only focus. (As a woman, I can do that, right?! Ha! HA!) Actually, as I'm typing this, another thing I read recently is coming to mind. It was an article challenging me not to lose the celebration of Jesus this Christmas season. This is a common "message", but it caught my attention in that it was focused on many of the things that I value - Christmas decorations and atmosphere, making the Holiday special for the kids, preparations for gift giving. The article challenged me to consider if celebrating Jesus is truly at the center of all of this. (If you want to read the article, you can go to http://sharonjaynes.com/blog/ and look for the entry "1 Corinthians 13 Christmas Style".)

Hmmm....I think I see a theme here. 8)

Lyndsey's Persistence

Lyndsey is cracking me up. Yesterday, we were "doing school" and worked on a sheet where she had to identify the different members of our family (cartoon drawings) and label them with the names. (This was good practice writing her "d"!) There were a mother, father, 2 girls, 2 boys, and 2 extra spaces for other family members. She identified each person, commenting that she was the girl with the long hair. She then insisted on labeling the other girl as her sister. I kept telling her she doesn't have a sister, but she really wanted too. So she made up a name (dseLLy) and wrote it in. I chalked it up to her really wanting to do more of the worksheet (not be finished yet).
Well, this morning, we were talking about Sammy going on a plane and Lyndsey wanting to go with her 'cause she wants to be with her all the time. She then went on about wanting to be with: you, Daddy, Anderson, Ethan, and my sister - all the time. I asked her what sister she's talking about, and she matter-of-factly answered, "the baby that's going to be in your belly". ("Oh really!", I thought.) I told her that first of all, we don't know if God is going to put a baby in my belly. She confidently responded, "Yes He will". I followed up with, "And if He does, we don't know if it will be a girl." That didn't stop her either. She's something else. I had all I could do to not crack up in front of her. 8)

Mothering Mistakes

Of course, there are many of these...the reason for mistakes. However, this one really took me off-guard. For an annual fundraiser, the school kids do a piece of artwork which can then be purchased as a magnet, coffee cup, etc. Well, Anderson's artwork was very good, but he tends to care NOTHING for things of this nature. I have hung a number of his masterpieces on the walls, as any good Mom does, but he doesn't seem to value artistic expression much. 8) So, I wasn't planning to buy his magnet (which the school sends home for parents to "view"). We talked about what a good job he did, discussing the details of his drawing. I told him I was sending it back, but he expressed that I should buy it. My initial thought was that the kids had been drilled about parents buying these, not that it was important to him. (This sounds pretty dumb as I type it, but it made sense at the time!) So I explained about being good stewards of our money and that $5 is a lot for a magnet if it didn't really matter to him that it was his art. Well, come to find out, it did matter. So, I happily wrote the check and put the magnet on the refrigerator.
The next morning, Anderson nearly forgot the folder with the check (as well as a few other things waiting for him on the counter). When I pointed it out, he grabbed it and then started crying when he saw what it was. He said that he didn't want me to buy the magnet; it was too much money. I told him that I wanted to, that it was important to him. He very introspectively said that he felt guilty that I was buying it because it was a lot of money. Oh, that broke my heart! The poor guy! I assured him that I was HAPPY to buy it because he made the art, and it was very good. Thankfully, he heard my heart and believing me, headed off to school with no more tears. Boy, that could have been a big mess. I'm so glad that he expressed himself to me...he generally is pretty good at doing that. Thank You, Lord!

Here is a great article https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=1ohzhBseRdaB-M6mxjeWFCTlGmslioWwboWPMbjCto6c

Daily chuckles

There are so many things that make me chuckle. This is the latest.

OK. So the video is too large to upload. I'll have to describe to you what I saw. Lyndsey had set up the tripod, pretending it had a camera on it. She had Ethan climb into the chair, sitting facing her. She kept running up to him to tickle him or make noises at him and then ran back to the "camera" to snap the picture (just like the professional photography places). She kept telling him to say "cheese", and he was cooperatively "cheese"ing away, which is really funny when he says it. He draws it out and really emphasizes the "eeee", showing all his little teeth. Wish you could have seen it; it sure made me laugh!

Another new accomplishment

I hopped on Raskin from the sliding glass door out to the table on the deck, and back! I haven't hopped on that leg since the beginning of my pregnancy! It wasn't pretty, but I managed to hop on Anderson's sandal (partly on the foot) without losing my balance, enabling me to not get my stocking feet wet on the rain-covered deck. Woohoo! Mom witnessed it! 8)

CAT scan

Another clean CAT scan...yay!
Bob and I had taken golf lessons together (over a month ago). For weeks after, I had this huge pain in the center of my back. At first, I thought that it was from swinging the golf club, but then it seemed to linger too long. I started to feel fearful that it was cancer in my lungs (a likely place for it to metastasize). It felt a lot like the pulmonary embuli did. I had to just keep praying that God would help me to not worry and remember that it's in His hands. I thought about calling the dr. but knew I had a CAT scan coming up; then it went away. Another day in the life of a cancer survivor, but it's different when you have a relationship with God. I can't imagine dealing with that fear without God.
Bob and I went fly fishing last Sat. It was a good day. We ended up having some really hard, but necessary, conversations. The year of cancer is still really affecting us, even though it has turned out as we had hoped. A year of stress, illness, coping, has longer lasting effects than I had realized. God is helping us through it though. The day was beautiful - a perfect sunny, fall day. The sound of the water was calming, and the fish did bite. (better for Bob than me!) I thank God for that day - for the extended time with Bob, for the friends who cared for our kids, for being out in nature, for health to walk in the water and stand for hours, for taste buds to taste the yummy food, for hair to poof out from under the ball cap I had to wear to keep the sun out of my eyes, for a hubby who was willing to patiently stand by while I had my casting lesson. Thank You, Lord.

Ethan's Antics

Ethan is a little man on the move these days. Just the other day, Bob and I were talking and realized Ethan was up to something. I went around the corner of the island and found Ethan standing there with mouth stuffed full of grapes and stem hanging out, single grapes spilled around him on the floor, and a large bunch of grapes setting at his feet. I couldn't believe that he had successfully gotten a hold of the grapes that were in a colander on the island without disturbing the colander and without a stool! Sneaky little bugger! The greatest irony is that Lyndsey had just been "admonished" for giving Ethan little pieces of grapes (that she had meticulously cut with a steak knife) after having been directed not to while I went upstairs. I was trying to keep him safe from these huge round grapes, and he stole a ton of them from the shelf! UGH!

A great date

Anderson and I went on a special "date", and it will be one of my most cherished memories. He has been very "boy"...wanting to be rough and pushy and not wanting affection from Mom, thriving on time with Daddy, busy with his own things. Well, we went to Plimouth Plantation for the day. We rode a big bus there, toured the Wampanoag village and colonist settlement, saw Plymouth Rock, went on the Mayflower II, and went to McDonald's for supper! We learned a lot. I realized that Anderson and I are a lot alike in that way; we really like to learn and experience new things. I was amazed that he wasn't bored, even when I spent time asking questions of a Native Indian woman who had her baby with her. Anderson really enjoyed watching the woodworker using an old-fashioned lathe; it was cool.
What I enjoyed most about the trip was the extensive one-on-one time. We were able to goof around (and yes, elbow and push), ask and answer questions (I was amazed at his social understanding of what was going on between the 2 people groups and his frustration with how people could be so blind to the values of others just because they were different/foreign), explore, hypothesize, work together on projects, and yes, even hold hands. OK. That was my favorite part. It was a great day. (Thank you, Melissa, for watching Lyndsey and Ethan!)

Labot Day weekend Happenings

It's been a great weekend. Friday, Anderson had the day off. It was really nice to have him home. It was so cute; during rest time Anderson told me that he misses being at home with me so that he can have his quiet time. It has been a very tiring week for him, although I know that he'll get used to the full days of school. The intense heat hasn't helped either.
Friday night, Bob and I attempted our first object lesson with the kids. There's a verse in the Bible that says, "Do not be deceived; bad company corrupts good habits." We wanted Anderson to think about the company he keeps, particularly at school. It's very common to believe the lie that if I'm not doing what the others are doing, it doesn't matter if I hang around them while they're doing it ("just an observer"). However, that doesn't usually last that way for long. So, we decided to make brownies with cat poop in them. Bob told the kids that he had stopped at Uncle Erik's house to get cat poop for our special brownies. They watched us make them, putting the poop (melted Tootsie rolls) in the center. Lyndsey was funny because she commented on the brownies smelling good. I wonder if she was saying that because she didn't smell stinky poop. Anyway, after we cooled the brownies, we asked the kids if they wanted some. They said "Yes!". We questioned this, reminding them what was in them. Lyndsey didn't seem to care (no, we don't deprive her of brownies!), but Anderson began to waver. Bob acted like he was going to throw them away since they were ruined. Anderson rationalized that the cat poop probably melted and was all through the brownies, making them yucky. I told him that I didn't think so; maybe we should try to cut around it. He wasn't so sure of that. We ended up telling them that it wasn't real poop, just candy. We explained that a little bit hanging around people making bad choices, even though it seems small compared to the good choices "I" am making, can still have a big effect, just like a little bit of yuck can ruin the whole pan of brownies. God's Word warns us about this. So, I think that we got the point across. It certainly didn't go as smoothly as we had thought it would! Isn't that typical with kids.
Saturday, we were visited by a professional photographer who was trying to get photos for a magazine article. I'll post the link to it when it happens. It was kind of fun having our pictures taken as they were mostly candid. I'm hoping that we'll get to see many of them and maybe even be given a few. We'll see. Bob says the magazine will likely choose the hick picture as a bunch were taken around our old, blue tractor. (Of course, that's where the kids played the longest!) And that would certainly go with us living in NH. 8) After that was over, we had just enough time to get all the kids ready for their sleepovers/visits with friends while Bob and I went to a wedding in Plymouth. It was really nice to get away with Bob for a few hours and celebrate this special day with Josh and Maresy. We also got to see some old friends...it's really funny how different circles of people overlap. We even got to dance! This was very exciting for me as I still struggle with balance and having my body do what my brain thinks it can, but I was able to dance. It was fun spending this time with Bob as it's been a very long time, and I really enjoy dancing.
Sunday, we took a family bike ride to Lone Oak, which is 3 miles away. Anderson did such a good job keeping up! Ethan was THRILLED to be going for a ride behind the bike and just as thrilled when he saw that the destination was ice-cream. I think that he and Daddy ate the most as Ethan had some of mine, Anderson's, and Lyndsey's. 8) This was a really fun family outing.
Afterwards, we went star-gazing in the back yard. It was Bob's idea and we all really enjoyed it. The sky was so dark and the stars so bright. We'll have to do that again some time.


Monday, we hiked Mt. Major with Mom and Dad, Jason's family, Aunt Paula and Uncle Rick, Jen and Danny's family, and Aunt Carol and Uncle Jeff. It was so much fun! It was work for me but very good for me. We had a picnic at the top and played for an hour or so. The kids loved playing with Zack and Kayleigh. The weather was just perfect. Ethan discovered a caterpillar and he was so excited! He let it crawl on him and picked it up...not afraid at all! This surprised me as the other 2 never reacted this way. It was fun to watch. On the way back down the mountain, I stopped to pick blueberries. (They were sparse, but I couldn't resist!) So I sent everybody on while I enjoyed nature a bit. After I found the path again, I was trucking down the mountain to try to catch up (carefully, of course!). I came around a corner and heard Ethan noises. There were he and Bob, sitting on a rock waiting for me. Isn't that sweet?! My husband who likes to be on the move and in the lead waited for me. This meant so much. As we treked the rest of the way down the mountain, we had some nice conversation. Oh, this was good for my soul as I've felt lonely for him lately. I'll share the funniest part of our conversation...
We were talking about how my bad hip has become my good hip, as I was realizing that I was relying on my right hip quite a bit as I became more fatigued. To keep things clear ("new bad hip", "old bad hip", etc.), we decided to name my left leg "Raskin" after my orthopedic oncologist. It just fits so perfectly. We then started joking around about, "Rasking up", "Don't pull my Raskin". It was fun laughing together.

Kids' Antics

As always, there are great stories to tell about what the kids are doing. I think that the funniest thing lately is watching Lyndsey want to be a Mumma. It's so cute. She types on her keyboard while I deal with stuff on the computer, she's always shuffling papers around (making keeping things organized very difficult), loves to "cut coupons" and make lists, thrives on organizing (which I sometimes wonder if it's a ploy to keep from having to actually pick up what's on her floor), likes to wash dishes and make sandwiches, is very attentive to trying to clean up messes on the floor like spilled water, and wants to mother Ethan in the worst way. He does NOT appreciate this as she doesn't read body language very well and is quite persistent. But, her intentions and attempts are quite cute, and flattering. I'm really enjoying the extra time I have with her now; it's precious.
Ethan is quite the toddler now. I can't believe how quickly he's changing. We've adjusted fairly well to his attempts to escape, but we're still trying to stay ahead of him as far as getting into things. The other day, I caught him with the computer mouse, the toilet bowl brush, and kitchen utensils from the drawer (that I hadn't seen him get into). He's fast and observant and doesn't like it when I take things away from him. He loves to explore anything that belongs to a big person, especially Lyndsey's kitchen stuff, her computer, and Anderson's cars and toys in his room. They're pretty good about working with him on this, although he's starting to catch on to the whole trading thing. 8) I'm amazed at how much he understands even though he doesn't talk. That little smirk of his says a lot too!

New routines

Well, school has started, and with it, new routines. I am amazed at how I can again see God's hand in protecting me through the last year or so. In preparing for this school year, the first time that I have a child in school all day every day, I realized that there are many firsts associated with this. I have a tendency to be quite goal-oriented, comfortable with having a plan, prone to trying to pack too much into a day, which would seem to mean that I'm likely to thrive on routine, right? Well, I have never had much of a routine with my kids. Sure, feedings/meals were routine. Lunch, read books, nap...routine. However, I never felt like I could have more of a routine than that, partly due to working 2 days a week which would require multiple routines - different ones for different days. I never thought that was the only reason though. I never really understood why I didn't work toward a morning routine and such, especially when friends shared that having a routine made the days with young children fun and productive, and helped beat the monotony that is common - the same cycle of changing diapers, doing housework, making meals, etc. Well, as I was creating a routine for the first time this year, it dawned on me that my lack of desire for a mothering routine (uncharacteristic of me) was God protecting me. You see, if I had an extensive routine before I got sick with cancer, it would have been a GREAT source of frustration for me. I imagine that it would have been 1 more large stressor as I watched a routine that I was comfortable with and felt was important, and perhaps had worked hard to implement, dissolve. How could people helping us manage to keep up a detailed routine as the kids tested their caregivers and balked at what didn't strike their fancy (as kids will do)? I think this would have been hard on everybody, especially poor Bob who would have received the brunt of it. Thankfully, this wasn't the case. I really believe that God was sparing me, and us. Isn't He good?
So, what is our routine like? We are still working on getting the kinks out, but the morning starts with me and Anderson having a devotional before school. Anderson and Lyndsey have personalized flip charts to get ready for the day (including making the beds!!! This is thanks to Mom's great influence during her months with us. Thanks, Mom!). The kids love their flip charts, and the charts help them stay on task without me nagging at them. They know what is expected of them, and it is their responsibility. (By the way, Lyndsey helped make her flip chart during "school" 1 day...great fun!) While Lyndsey watches Sesame Street at 9:00, I play with Ethan doing puzzles, wrestling, reading books, or helping him ride his horse, as well as get some chores done. Then the 3 of us have time for playing outside, going for a walk, whatever, until 11:30 when we eat lunch. The early lunch allows Ethan to get down for his nap by 12:30 (since there are days when we have to pick up Anderson at school at 3:00). Once Ethan is down for his nap, Lyndsey and I have school time! We are really enjoying this. Then Lyndsey goes down for a rest.
I'm still trying to figure out how to fit in a few things like my hip exercises, but I'm really excited about this. For the first time, I'm not having to harass the kids in the morning to get dressed and Lyndsey to comb her hair (since they don't get breakfast until they're dressed, hair combed, and bed made). I'm also finding that the quality time with each of the kids is happening regularly. This warms my heart. Also, when something different happens, I have a more realistic idea of how it is going to affect the goals of the day and can adjust accordingly. In a sense, I know what I'm forfeiting and can make better decisions. So, we'll see how long this lasts and how it evolves, but I'm excited about it.

Anderson's First Week of School

Yep! My little boy is now a first grader! He doesn't seem so little anymore! I miss him throughout the day, but I am also really enjoying the time with Ethan and Lyndsey...more on that later.
What was the first day of school like? Anderson was ready in plenty of time, excited to use his new flip chart (more on that in the next blog entry). He also didn't need to leave as early since the first day, the parents bring the kids to their classrooms. So, I had to hustle to get me, Ethan, and Lyndsey ready and out the door by 8:20. We did it! I think that Lyndsey was excited to see where Anderson would be going and who was in his class. We met Mrs. Marquis (which was also the name of my kindergarten teacher) and found Anderson's seat just as the bell was ringing for the school day to start. There was another little boy sitting at the same table, and he seemed very nice (and well-mannered and smart). I had a brief conversation with him and was very thankful that he is Anderson's table mate.
Anderson seems to be enjoying his new class, even though his best buds are in the other first grade. He sees them at recess, which is good. His teacher seems very nice, and I was pleased when he told me that toward the end of the first day of school, she asked the students to raise their hands if they had felt nervous about their first day of school. All students except 1, and the 2 teachers, raised their hands. I really appreciated this acknowledgment (for Anderson to see that it's OK to feel that way and that it's normal, for adults too). This seemed very wise to me. Anderson had not indicated that he was apprehensive about going back to school; he just didn't talk about it much. He was excited about his new school supplies and new lunchbox. (I'm so proud of Bob. He has initiated that Anderson should pack his lunch each night before school, rather than rely on Mumma to do it for him.)

New Accomplishment

Today I did something that I have not done in almost 2 years! I shaved my legs the "normal" way (for me, at least). Without even thinking, I stood on each leg, 1 at a time, and shaved the other leg that was propped on the counter. Until this point, the best I could do was stand on my good leg, but then when it came time to switch legs, I'd have to sit on the counter. I didn't even realize I had done this until a few minutes later...isn't this bizarre?! Anyway, I'm excited about it.

Big Events!

I climbed a rock wall on Sat.! It was definitely a beginner level, but I didn't think I'd be able to do it. I tried, and the feeling of accomplishment when I rang the buzzer at the top was great! Anderson also climbed the wall. I'm so proud of him; that was his first time! His persistence paid off.

Another piece of major news for me at least is that I can now see my hair out of the corner of my eye...first time in over a year! I can tell when it's messy, if it's sticking out in that direction. 8)

Tonight, we had some great family fun. We all went for a bike ride (Bob pulling Ethan and Lyndsey in the buggy). This was the first time I've been on a bike in 2 years! My balance was OK, but I definitely have some work to do. Bob was cautious, which I thought was a bit unusual. A couple of times he reminded me to be careful not to wipe out. Speaking of wiping out, we were riding back in the dark, as we got carried away picking blackberries (3+ quarts!), and Anderson ended up on the ground. He has a few good scrapes, but I thought it was good that he recognized it was because he got going to fast down the hill. The part that made me shake my head was that he backed the bike up the hill a bit more so he could get going fast enough for the dip, all this after just wiping out! Boys!

Ups and Downs

I'll start with the "downs" first. As I keep realizing, I'm not 100% yet. This is most obvious when I lose my balance. The other day, I fell over while vacuuming - tripped on my own foot. Fortunately, the carpet was relatively soft and I just tweaked my shoulder a bit...and nobody saw me. 8) Last Tues., I fell while carrying Ethan up some stairs. I have painful rug burns on both knees to remind me that I'm not as "fit" as I sometimes think I am. I was carrying Ethan and a bunch of other stuff, running late, and trying to muscle through the fatigue going up the stairs (as most Moms do). Well, I didn't lift my foot high enough and down we went. I kept Ethan from falling/getting hurt, fortunately. He just looked at me like, "OK, Mumma, what just happened?" Crazy times.
The "up" is that we made a trip to Pittsburg...just me and the kids!!!! This was HUGE! I've never gone on a long drive with 3 kids before. This doesn't bother me as long as nobody pukes, has to pee (or worse, poop), and there aren't any car problems. These snags can create quite the adventure. This is also the first road trip I've done since chemo (without another adult). It was interesting because as I headed out, I felt nervous just like the first time I drove my parents' car after getting my license. (The nervousness then was mostly because I was going to a place where I had never been...on my own and navigating at the same time.) I was surprised at the commonality. Everything went fine; we arrived 5 min. after midnight. The visit with Grammie and the rest of the family was great. I even got to see my 17-year-old cousin, Whit, twice! That's major considering he's a busy guy working these days. I also was able to visit quite a bit with Denise. This was such a treat as we haven't been able to spend much time together since I was spoiled last summer with her being with us every week. It was wonderful hanging out with the kids and Grammie - we had a picnic and "swim" at Back Lake, visited a castle climbing structure, played on the huge grassy lawn, ate YUMMY foods! The weather was really good, and we had a great time. Denise rode home with us, which was a great opportunity to gab and also helped me maintain sanity with 3 crazy kids in the back seat. And, the kids and I had dinner with Gram H. The kids were ECSTATIC about the box mac and cheese and hotdogs, with choc. milk to boot! Anderson said, "I don't think it gets any better than this!" 8) Gram and I had a nice visit, and it was wonderful to be over her place after almost 2 years away. God is good.

Not 100%...Yet

We had the flu in the Levasseur household last week. It started with Bob and Anderson at the end of our family camping adventure, and we thought we were in the clear. Wrong! Sun. AM, I woke up feeling sick. By Sun. afternoon, Lyndsey was puking. She seemed to bounce back fairly quickly, but Ethan also was sick. I was amazed at how long it took me to get over it. After I finally puked (I held out a LONG time - very unusual for me!), I felt better, but it still took DAYS for me to regain strength and not be dizzy from weakness. This made me realize that the chemo really does have long-lasting effects on me. My body isn't fully strong yet. I'm not complaining though. As I was throwing up, I was praising God for it. This was the first time in over a year. This is a major miracle as nearly all women my age who have chemo puke while they're receiving it and afterwards. (The nurses always had the pink bowl ready!) God spared me, and I am so thankful. God is good.

On kind of a funny note, by about Tues. night, the kids were praying that I would get better so it woudn't be so B-O-R-I-N-G. Bob relayed this to me. They definitely were getting sick of being in the house, even if it did mean extra PBS so I could nap on the couch!

Wonderful inefficiencies

I read a MOPS e-mail that talked about the "curse" of learning to be an efficient mom. We mothers strive to multi-task on many levels and efficiently accomplish more than any human should. This ability to multi-task is a blessing, but the article encouraged mothers to sometimes be inefficient. The example the author gave was driving the long way home from getting groceries so she could see some beautiful gardens. This challenged me to not always be in such a hurry, to not miss the little things or not prohibit myself from slowing down to a walk, but I wasn't sure of any specific examples where it would apply in my own life. Well, I think I found one! Last Fri., I went blueberry picking. Most of my girlfriends pick cultivated blueberries (high bush). They're larger than wild ones, grow in clumps, and are easy to access. I chose to take my kids up Blue Job and pick small (SWEET), free blueberries that were scattered all over the bushes in 1's and 2's. This is not the most efficient way to pick blueberries, but I enjoyed it so much (in spite of the heat and carrying Ethan the whole way in a baby backpack!!). This, for me, was a great inefficiency and "waste" of a day with my kids. I also learned that Anderson is good at picking blueberries and finding the "jackpots". I also discovered that we need to work on training Lyndsey to pee outside. What a mess, poor girl!